My question is: Shouldn't we feel Shame or Ashamed of the things we are doing wrong?
There's a huge movement going on in the world right now that I'm just becoming familiar with. There are now groups called the Fat Acceptance Movement and the Pro-Obesity Movement. This literally blows my mind. From a Health standpoint I don't see any sense in promoting a lifestyle that is both harmful to yourself and your family, as well as socio-economic burden it places on our health care system. This applies to any context really not just obesity and over eating. It appears that the day has come where we are no longer expected to ' change our ways' and 'clean up our acts'. Instead, society invents a "PRO-Movement" to support whatever bad habit we have so that we can ultimately avoid feeling ashamed and, apparently, feel “good” about our bad habits.
"Several years ago, one of the best-loved theme parks in the world shut down a classic ride so it could make some adjustments: People had become so obese that the ride’s boats were scraping the bottom.
How would obese patrons feel if, in front of hundreds, they were required to stand in a different queue—one simply marked “Obese Riders Here”?
And instead of meeting just a height requirement, theme park guests were also forced to meet a “width” criteria.
Or when boarding an airplane, fat people would be called separately so they could sit in extra-wide seats, for which they pay double?
And what if stadiums had a section of reinforced double-wide seats where obese folks were required to sit?
Unfortunately, our country doesn’t go for such options, which is truly a shame.And that’s precisely the problem. There is no shame."
see full article in link:
http://www.phillymag.com/news/2012/10/12/solve-americas-obesity-problem-shame/
That article is pretty controversial and I'm not saying that I fully agree with the author however he does make some valid arguments. The idea of "shame" in general speaks to all sorts of areas of 'over-indulgence'.
I really enjoy all the ads and commercials that are filled with catch phrases like, 'You deserve it!', "You work hard, you deserve the best!", "If it feels good do it!" The sense of entitlement that the media is filling our heads with is enough to make me want to vomit. They now have Hedonism resorts where you just over indulge in anything available to you: food, alcohol, sex, drugs... whatever there is to fill up on I guess. Their sole purpose is to feel Pleasure. Constant Pleasure... pleasure of every kind.
The real issue underlying these indulgences is the ultimate escape from pain and suffering. Suffering has become the most hated word these days. Total avoidance of pain is the goal and look at where it's taken our society. This avoidance of suffering has led us in the pursuit of “instant gratification”. It has taught us to remortgage our homes so that we can buy brand new cars that we “deserve". It's taught us that we “deserve” to be pampered constantly with hair appointments, tanning, massages, clothes shopping, tattoos, make up, eating out at restaurants, and consequently racking up our credit cards till they're maxed out. This pathway to constant gratification has us taking vacations we can’t afford. It’s taught us that it's ok if we're morbidly obese because we should be proud of our curves, so just keep on eating. Ultimately, society has enabled us to the extreme point where you no longer have to “Earn” something in order to “Deserve” it.
"German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche was a critic of Hedonism and Utilitarianism. He posited a theory of morality which saw the "Will to power" as the main driving force in humans. In Beyond Good and Evil, he states: "Well-being as you understand it - that is no goal, that seems to us an end, a state that soon makes man ridiculous and contemptible" (BGE:225).
"Nietzsche critiques hedonist conceptions of happiness in his parable of the Last man, "the most despicable men"
Nietzsche sees this as contemptible is because he sees suffering as necessary for cultivating human excellence, for example in The Gay Science, where he writes:
"Only great pain is the ultimate liberator of the spirit"
There is a vast continuum between absolute Gluttony/Hedonism
and Adhedonia/Suffering. But therein lies somewhere the “happy balance”. Total
pleasure with no pain and suffering is neither healthy nor realistic by any
stretch of the imagination. On the other end of the spectrum: total suffering
in itself would be equally unrealistic and disadvantageous.
“Shaming” unhealthy habits is not completely foreign these
days. It appears that society in general
has been way more excepting of 'shaming' other unhealthy practices. For
example: smoking. Smoking is not
prohibited inside buildings. Even outside smoking access is quite restrictive
and you have to be a certain number of metres away from building entrances and
so forth. There is definitely a sense of shame hovering over smokers in our day
and age. It is not widely tolerated or accepted and it's because of how
dangerous and negative it is on our bodies and other people.
What I seem to be witnessing is this ridiculous idea that we should never feel ashamed of ourselves. We are, in essence, 'Ashamed to feel ashamed'.
What I seem to be witnessing is this ridiculous idea that we should never feel ashamed of ourselves. We are, in essence, 'Ashamed to feel ashamed'.
From my own personal experience I’ll go out on a limb and
say it's healthy to be uncomfortable with yourself at times. It’s healthy to
feel a sense of shame about your bad choices and wrong doings. The first step
in Alcoholics Anonymous is standing before a crowd of people and admitting
you're an Alcoholic. Within that admittance rests a sense of humility.
Humility: a motivator for change.
There is a need for people to start becoming more accountable for their actions instead of going out and creating new community groups to support their wrong doings and poor life choices. The true enemy is the false sense of entitlement which tells you it's ok to do whatever you want and to avoid pain at all costs. Having a healthy sense of shame or regret is not the enemy... it's an ally.
I really like your comments on a general societal avoidance of discomfort. I think it's difficult for those of us in the well-fed, well-appointed developed world to have a sense of true suffering, but there are bits and pieces of it here and there...and those, as Nietzsche might say, should be savoured rather than avoided...because they're useful! We only perceive things through their contrast or relativity, so by creating a situation where perpetual comfort and happiness is the baseline, the easiest way to 'feel' anything is by constantly trying to one-up that baseline by greater and greater personal gratification (the hedonism you speak of).
ReplyDeleteI recall a Greek History professor of mine once elaborating on the differences between Guilt-based and Shame-based cultures. Complex topic, mostly beyond me I'm afraid, but the gist was that Classical Greece was very much a shame-based culture, in terms of exercising societal control over personal action. Think of the whole concept of ostracism arising there. Most tribal societies are too. Whereas, modern western society, based upon essentially Judeo-Christian ethics is much more guilt-based, and that sense of control is internalized. Much easier to justify to yourself that your not really fat, rather than to society at large.
I wonder if you've hit on a big connection here. Obesity rates are the markedly lowest in Asian countries-- the same countries that have firmly entreched shame-based systems (Japan could probably be seen as the most extreme, but certainly China, Korea, others too). Conversely, obesity rates are the highest in countries with very long standing Judeo-Christian cultural baggage (North America, Latin America, much of Europe,etc). Lots of other factors I'm sure but maybe there's a connection. Certainly Classical Greece strongly associated physical fitness as a component of personal and societal excellence or Arete, and having healthy fit citizens was a matter of pride (and concomitant shame if the opposite was true)
Certainly don't think we should be scribbling the names of all the fatties on pieces of broken pottery just yet....but there might be a case to be made for injecting a bit more of a shame-based approach into the discourse around health and obesity, instead of all this deflecting the blame crap about "it's not your fault"
....Food for thought (as long as we don't eat too much of it)
Hi Dan! Thank you for your comments! Love what you're talking about! I had to do a little research on the subject of Guilt based vs Shame based societies and it's quite interesting. I read a bit of The Chrysanthemum and the Sword: Patterns of Japanese Culture by Ruth Benedict. I never looked at it that way before but I definitely see what you're saying.
ReplyDeleteWe are definitely living in a day and age where it's 'wrong' to say that anything's 'wrong'. It's completely ridiculous. One day our country will be run by kids who all got gold medals in Elementary School for 'Participating'. Even at an elementary school level there are no 'losers'. Everyone's a winner. Nobody can fail a grade... nobody is disadvantaged.. nobody has anything 'wrong' with them (or at least you can't say that). Where does that get us? Our society has essentially turned into an over protective, coddling, wet nurse who lactates at the drop of a hat.
I found this quote and I think it speaks volumes,
"A man cannot live without shame. A sense of shame is the beginning of integrity." Mencius (Chinese philosopher)
I can see how feeling 'shame' can be so detrimental, to the ego that is, because you're basically admitting that your 'mistake' or 'wrong-doing' was because of your own incompetence. Then, in turn, having to display your 'defects' to society. Where as guilt is the inward feeling of not living up to your own standards... but you get to hide it.
It's funny.. apparently Obesity is now a disease/disability that people (I guess) just randomly get??? It's known as the 'fork to mouth' disease. Next thing you know 'Drinking and Driving' will be a disease.. and 'Being an Asshole' will be a disease. Good Lord!!!
Here's an interesting link on the subject... I'm going to eat a whole cake now for the medical benefits ;)
http://www.forbes.com/sites/geoffreykabat/2013/07/09/why-labeling-obesity-as-a-disease-is-a-big-mistake/
Yep, everyone gets a gold star for participating, because god forbid one special little snowflake could do worse at something than all of the other snowflakes. Does anyone remember the Canada Fitness Test that used to be a part of elementary school back in the 80s? I think they canned that as a result of some kids feeling bad for not getting a good ranking. Bringing something like that back would do wonders for childhood obesity. There should be a sense of shame when a kid can't manage to run a few hundred yards or do a few pushups...not in a "hey, you suck" way but in a "hey, you could get better if you put in a little bit of work" way. A little shame might not be a bad thing if it gets a kid off the Xbox and outside running around for a little while.
ReplyDeleteIt seems we're witnessing the slow but steady extinction of any sense of personal responsibility. It's always someone else's fault. Society made me fat. It's not safe to go outside, so I'll just hang out here on the couch. Even that Forbes article talks like that. But, despite the fact that there may indeed be more challenges to fitness and good health these days, many many people still manage to do a good job of it, despite those challenges. And it's not like those people are inherently any better or have it any easier - they just choose to take personal responsibility and not pass the buck.
Like you, I shudder at the idea of obesity being considered a disease. Everything is a disease or disorder, since that absolves any sense of personal responsibility for having it. If you can find a clip of Gerry Dee's recent New Year's comedy special, he talks about all the kids getting diagnosed these days with ODD (oppositional defiance disorder).. for all of those that used to just be bad kids. They've always been around and probably always will be. He says it should be called Occasional Dick Disorder.
Oh...and I definitely have that Being an Asshole disease! Huge case of that one!
Keep up the great blog...I'm enjoying reading it!
I don't wholly agree, nor do I wholly disagree. I would simply comment on two points; First is that though people should take personal responsibility for their good and bad traits, we also shouldn't forget that there can be factors outside the individual's sphere of control which limit the effectiveness of even the most diligent personal responsibility. Someone dealing with stress and misplaced (or absent) self-worth who is being manipulated by economics and marketing does not have the same level of control as someone who has the money, means and freedom to exercise good judgement. All the components of hedonism also are components of addiction, and addiction occurs for a reason aside from just 'I want this to feel good'.
ReplyDeleteI'm also leery of the use of shame, maybe because I have seen it misused way too much. We don't necessarily have to condone 'bad' behaviour, but I think there are more constructive ways than shame to help reshape it.
Just my 2 cents.
Thank you for your comment!
DeleteI think I understand where you're coming from and agree that, to some extent, there are various factors involved in one's habits and behaviours whether they be beneficial or unhealthy.
The definition of Shame: "a feeling of guilt, regret, or sadness that you have because you know you have done something wrong: the ability to feel guilt, regret, or embarrassment: dishonor or disgrace."
I guess my point is more directed to the idea of feeling regret or shame about bad behaviours or unhealthy life decisions that someone consciously makes.
I agree that in many instances people may be misguided or mislead when making decisions, and then partially because of 'misinformation' given they make a wrong decision(s). However, to have one's personal responsibility limited by outside factors, as you suggest, would have to be quite an extreme example. I don't know that most people would fall into that severe of a category; perhaps Nazi prisoners, slaves, victims of abuse who turn into perpetrators of abuse, etc. I'm mostly speaking of people who over indulge 'in general' with money, food, finances, being inconsiderate, lazy, etc; individuals who have complete responsibility for their own actions.
There's a quote I love from Maya Angelou,
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” If someone is at a point where they are able to see their own wrongs, and are able to lay blame on someone else for their wrongs.. then I think they're at the point where "they know better, so they can do better".
I don't agree that someone who has 'money, means or freedom" necessarily would be more likely to "exercise good judgement". In fact, I wonder if it isn't more the opposite. There are very poor people who are not addicts, who work, are independant, who don't overindulge, who do not have a false sense of entitlement, who are under extreme levels of stress and have low self worth and still manage to maintain a strong level of "personal responsibility". I find in my experience that I more frequently see this pattern of over indulgence with individuals who are of a middle to upper class level in society. People who would come across as having 'everything'; money, freedom, control, self worth, etc.
Continued...
Hedonism vs. Addiction.. I don't fully agree that they are made up of all the same "components" although I do understand how the two look the same. The definition of Hedonism is: "the belief that pleasure or happiness is the most important goal in life." In my personal experience there are people I've met who believe this to be true, yet they would not be accurately classified as an "addict". (DSM-IV Criteria for Addiction: http://knowledgex.camh.net/primary_care/toolkits/addiction_toolkit/fundamentals/Pages/faq_dsmiv_criteria.aspx). I do agree that addiction occurs from a multitude of factors, not just one, and there are external factors involved. That being said, with addiction counselling and recovery the onus always lies on the person to take responsibility for their actions and the effect of their actions on others. They are taught to be responsible by learning life skills and participating in therapy.
DeleteThe idea of "shaming people' to get 'better behaviour' is not my intention. My area of interest is mostly with the lack of shame and regret that people feel, in general, for their own bad behaviour.
I think that in a lot of situations when someone behaves poorly or inappropriately they are very quick to deflect the responsibility: "I did this because you did this...", or "I behave like this because of this...", or "I acted like this because you made me feel like this...". It often seems like there is 'no personal responsibility' anymore. Sometimes I wish that people could just say, "I'm sorry. My bad. I shouldn't have done that." or "I'm trying to change my behaviour in this area... " , instead of saying, "Well, the reason why I behave badly is because of all of these things that happened to me.. and that's just the way I am. It's not my fault."
Personal responsibility and humility vs. Entitlement and bad behaviour
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